The Bad

I  wasn't sure if I was even going to write this one, but I figured if I'm going to write about the good days, I need to share the bad days too. So last night was....shall we say rough. I was extremely irritable. No nicotine or caffeine for almost 48 hours was getting to me, I had a lot goin on in my head. I was just overloaded. I decided last night I was going to try to run/jog/walk a mile for time and see where I was at. Well that was a bad idea. I am very self-conscious about my exercising anyway, and all the little boys (brothers in law/nephews) were playing outside, so I just put on my headphones and cranked up the music and went. Well then they thought it would be funny to get right up close to me walking with their scooters and bicycles and just keep up with me, which I admit is cute, but at that point in time, I was not having it, I couldn't hear them because my music was loud, and I was afraid if I walked to the side at all that they would hit me or I would hit them, so it was irritating me, so I just screamed and cussed at them. Not my best moment. So I kept going, then Kelby came up to me, I was keeping going, then, I was about 3/4 of the way done when I looked at my time and realized that it was no better than just walking, so I got pissed off and said this was all fucking stupid and I was done. *Did I mention I was crabby* I am not a patient person, which is why me and diet/exercise do not get along. I want results and I want them now. I wanted to be able to see a time improvement. I know I can't run, but I was pissed off and discouraged when jog/walk didn't even improve my mile time at all. I ripped my headphones off and went to the back porch to cool off. This is when the kids thought it would be funny to keep coming back there and stare at me knowing full well that I was upset and wanted to be left alone. So after yelling at them, then asking nicely, then yelling again, and asking nicely again to leave me alone, I went inside then came back out, and they still just kept coming by me. At this point, Kelby took off in the car just to get away and calm down, I took off on foot. Kelby came back while I was gone and wanted to know where I was, we were fighting via text message. I came back and we sat on the porch and still fought via text message. Mom Pam and Amanda came out and tried to calm me down and they calmed me down and got me laughing. And then finally me and Kelby talked about what all was going on in my head and got me fully calmed down and everything. I will tell you I was ready to rip everything off the walls and we were gonna quit this stupid diet and never gonna have kids and yeah. I mean when I get mad I get mad, but I was just done yesterday. Have I mentioned I also have anxiety and depression. So after everything, I did end up having an anxiety attack last night, not too severe, but it was a bad one. I think that's just what happens is I just get overwhelmed and I lash out because I don't want to have an anxiety attack, but I know I'm going to have one anyways. Idk maybe I'm just nuts. But anyways. We slept in this morning and are just going to walk extra tonight. I'll probably walk a little this afternoon. But we are sticking with the diet. Last night was tough and it was only day 2. Maybe everything will get better after the nicotine cravings and everything are gone and all that. I need everyone's help though. We are trying to think of some rewards for ourselves if we reach our monthly goals. Nothing extravagant, just something to reward outselves for our hard work and achieving our weight loss goal for the month. My goal for April is 15 lbs and Kelby's is 10 lbs. I don't really want my goal to be junk food cuz that kinda defeats the whole purpose, but I don't wanna spend a lot of money either. Suggestions? Leave them in the comments. Love you guys! Thanks for listening to me vent!