Last Cigarette

It's currently 10:20 PM (10/20 also happens to be my birthday). I'm finally done messing around on the computer for the night. I'm ready for bed, but I had to have one last final cigarette for the rest of my life. No matter what happens or how stressed out I get I will not give into temptation. If and when I get to that point I will just come write on here, or I will play a game on my phone or on the computer or something. I cannot let myself lose this battle. This may be the biggest hill I ever have to climb but if there's a positive pregnancy test at the top of this hill, I'll climb forever. I already have it planned out how I am going to tell Kelby when I finally do get pregnant, and lately his mom and I have been getting fortune cookies that have been making us think they have been about us getting pregnant, so I am actually getting all the stuff ready for when I do get pregnant I'll have everything ready for my super secret way to tell him. He knows there is a super secret plan, he just doesn't know anything else about it. This cigarette doesn't even taste good, but I know I need to enjoy every last bit of it. Well I guess as of now, at 10:31 PM, yeah I took forever to smoke it haha, I am officially a nonsmoker. Here we go!

The End.......

Today is the end of our lives as us. I suppose I should introduce us. We are Kelby and Ali. I'm sure I will tell you all about us eventually but for now what you should know is we are on a mission. Our mission is to become a family. Technically I suppose we are a family because we are married, but we want to add to our family. And unlike all these teenagers who get pregnant without wanting to, we can't get pregnant without actually making an effort. So an effort we shall make. I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) a couple of years ago. I had known, or at least suspected that I had it for a while, but was finally diagnosed in I think 2010. We have always wanted a baby, and always tried. But by trying, I really mean not preventing. It's hard as a woman to know that I can't easily do what women are supposed to do, but I know with the effort and timing I can do it. So here's the plan. Today is the end of our lives as us. Tomorrow is a new chapter. Tomorrow is a new beginning. Tomorrow is the future. We have an OB appt on June 8th to start talking medication and actual for real trying to conceive (ttc), so before that date, my goal is to quit smoking and to lose at least 20 pounds. I would love to lose more, but I'm trying to be realistic here. I've been weening off cigarettes with electronics and just self motivation for a couple weeks now, so tomorrow is officially cold turkey no more nicotine. D-O-N-E!!! We have also been planning for the last couple weeks this huge diet and exercise program. We started walking twice a day last week, but have taken a few days off to indulge in good food and relaxation before the "torture" starts. Our diet is essentially low-fat, low-calorie. We don't really have a set calorie goal or anything like that, but we are just watching serving sizes, etc. We are doing Special K cereal for breakfast and lunch with skim milk, and fruit/veggie for snack in between meals. Along with a small portioned meal for dinner. This with the diet pills to help us jump start, and the exercise, hopefully will help us reach our goals. Please no lectures on the pills. We have our posterboards up in our room where we write down our exercise, our water intake, and our calories for the day, as well as our weekly weight loss and monthly weight loss. I also was creative with some baby onesies I will put pictures up tomorrow. Well, I haven't got much else to say tonight, just getting excited/anxious/nervous/happy/every emotion possibly about starting this tomorrow and hoping that we can meet all of our goals and eventually all of our hard work will pay off. Wish us luck!