It's been a while...

So, I'm back. Lots of stuff been going on lately. First of all the diet is shall we say not going as planned. Still walking sometimes, but not as much as I would like too. However, the no smoking has been awesome. Had a few rough days with cravings, but I'm on day 15 and doing pretty good. From what I hear, once I hit 1 month, it will be smooth sailing. So I'm keepin on keepin on. In other news, we moved to our own apartment on Friday. So we have been getting everything set up here the past few days. Nothing too exciting really. Although we do live around a bunch of people now, so maybe we will meet some new friends and everything. I think I've already figured out my new walking route, but have yet to actually go for a walk haha. Maybe tomorrow we can walk now that we are a little bit more settled in. So yeah, maybe right now we've fallen off the diet wagon, but that doesn't mean I'm giving up. This isn't about a quick fix. This is about a new life.

Middle of Week 1

Middle of week 1=end of diet pills. We have both been feeling kind of off today. Well I looked at some more reviews on the pills we have been taking and almost every negative review, people were starting to get nauseated (sp?) around day 3-5 and quit the program....we followed suit. We also found a simulator last night that showed awesome possibilities if we stayed at EXTREMELY unhealthy eating habits. I'll be honest I was only eating about 600-800 calories the first 3 days, and with the fat burn pills and the cleanse pills, I was paying for it. I felt sooo sick all day. I was nauseous, weak,exhausted, we barely made it for our 30 minute walk this morning. In fact yesterday morning we didn't walk at all. I walked yesterday afternoon and we walked last night for an hour really well. But today was absolutely terrible. I did some better research and found that in order to lose body fat in a healthy way I need to eat right around 1200 calories a day. So that will be my goal everyday. If I eat less ok, but my goal is 1200. Kelby I think was 1500 a day and he was only eating about 800-1000 a day. So today we got to eat a little fatty food to give our body back some sugar and fat so we could have more energy because we have basically been in starvation mode. We chose a SMALL blizzard from dairy queen because........drum roll please.....*insert drum roll here*.....I have lost a total of 10 lbs since I was last at the doctor. Only 11 lbs to go til the 1derful 100s :) Kelby I believe has lost about 12 pounds in that time frame as well. Tonight is 4 days no nicotine. Today's cravings were really bad. I sat in Mom Pam's room while she smoked tonight and just smelled it because it smelled amazing, but I know if I were to light a ciagrette it would taste horrible and I would take maybe 2 puffs and be done. Maybe I'll buy some gum tomorrow to get me through the next few days. Anyways, maybe now that we know the correct healthy amount of calories, things will go better. I'm down about 3 pounds since we started on the 1st of the month so only 12 more to go to my monthly goal. Still gotta figure out my a reward system for us...hmmm...thoughts?? comment

The Bad

I  wasn't sure if I was even going to write this one, but I figured if I'm going to write about the good days, I need to share the bad days too. So last night was....shall we say rough. I was extremely irritable. No nicotine or caffeine for almost 48 hours was getting to me, I had a lot goin on in my head. I was just overloaded. I decided last night I was going to try to run/jog/walk a mile for time and see where I was at. Well that was a bad idea. I am very self-conscious about my exercising anyway, and all the little boys (brothers in law/nephews) were playing outside, so I just put on my headphones and cranked up the music and went. Well then they thought it would be funny to get right up close to me walking with their scooters and bicycles and just keep up with me, which I admit is cute, but at that point in time, I was not having it, I couldn't hear them because my music was loud, and I was afraid if I walked to the side at all that they would hit me or I would hit them, so it was irritating me, so I just screamed and cussed at them. Not my best moment. So I kept going, then Kelby came up to me, I was keeping going, then, I was about 3/4 of the way done when I looked at my time and realized that it was no better than just walking, so I got pissed off and said this was all fucking stupid and I was done. *Did I mention I was crabby* I am not a patient person, which is why me and diet/exercise do not get along. I want results and I want them now. I wanted to be able to see a time improvement. I know I can't run, but I was pissed off and discouraged when jog/walk didn't even improve my mile time at all. I ripped my headphones off and went to the back porch to cool off. This is when the kids thought it would be funny to keep coming back there and stare at me knowing full well that I was upset and wanted to be left alone. So after yelling at them, then asking nicely, then yelling again, and asking nicely again to leave me alone, I went inside then came back out, and they still just kept coming by me. At this point, Kelby took off in the car just to get away and calm down, I took off on foot. Kelby came back while I was gone and wanted to know where I was, we were fighting via text message. I came back and we sat on the porch and still fought via text message. Mom Pam and Amanda came out and tried to calm me down and they calmed me down and got me laughing. And then finally me and Kelby talked about what all was going on in my head and got me fully calmed down and everything. I will tell you I was ready to rip everything off the walls and we were gonna quit this stupid diet and never gonna have kids and yeah. I mean when I get mad I get mad, but I was just done yesterday. Have I mentioned I also have anxiety and depression. So after everything, I did end up having an anxiety attack last night, not too severe, but it was a bad one. I think that's just what happens is I just get overwhelmed and I lash out because I don't want to have an anxiety attack, but I know I'm going to have one anyways. Idk maybe I'm just nuts. But anyways. We slept in this morning and are just going to walk extra tonight. I'll probably walk a little this afternoon. But we are sticking with the diet. Last night was tough and it was only day 2. Maybe everything will get better after the nicotine cravings and everything are gone and all that. I need everyone's help though. We are trying to think of some rewards for ourselves if we reach our monthly goals. Nothing extravagant, just something to reward outselves for our hard work and achieving our weight loss goal for the month. My goal for April is 15 lbs and Kelby's is 10 lbs. I don't really want my goal to be junk food cuz that kinda defeats the whole purpose, but I don't wanna spend a lot of money either. Suggestions? Leave them in the comments. Love you guys! Thanks for listening to me vent!

End of Day 1

I promise not to post this much everyday!! Today was actually pretty good. Took an hour nap at about 1 this afternoon which felt pretty good. We both stuck to our schedules pretty good. We just guesstimated the amount of meat for dinner because we didn't have a scale and I actually was full enough. Well we did finally go to storage and get our food scale and instead of the 3 oz I thought I had eaten, I really only had about 1 oz. Apparently we aren't very good guessers, so it's a damn good thing we got our scale now haha. I guess my mom in law aka "Mom Pam" wants to start walking with us in the mornings which is pretty cool. I think our morning walks are going to be more for distance and our evening walks are going to be more for time. My sister in law is gonna walk with us in the evenings too so we are actually kinda inspiring our family too which is pretty cool. Everyone I've talked to so far is pretty impressed with out dedication. Oooh Oooh Oooh So last week when we started walking just to kinda get started we were walking about a 22 minute mile, well my goal for the end of this next 2 weeks was a 15 minute mile because I haven't done that probably since hmmm junior high maybe. Well this morning was a 19:11 mile so tonight I wanted at least 18 something maybe around 18:30, well I actually hit a 17:10 mile tonight!!! I was so excited. I know it's not a world record or anything, but hey I've knocked 5 miles off since we started. And when we got our starting weights this morning, it's actually 7 pounds less than the last time I was at the doctor. So this is it people.

THIS IS MY TIME AND I AM GOING TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT.

Pictures

 The onesie I made as motivation for Kelby.
-Do it for me Daddy
-Future Baby "Last Name"
-I'm waiting to be born
-Lose the fat and go tap that
-Control the food you eat so that soon you and I can meet

O and at the bottom I added Go Daddy! like I have on mine

 My onesie :)
-I'm gonna be spoiled rotten
-You can do it Mommy
-Shed the pounds to hear my sounds
-Drop the weight and hump your mate
-In order to conceive, your goal you must achieve
Go Mommy!

 Our workout calendars where we write all our calories and workouts and weights and water intake and anything else we need to keep track of with out onesie motivation hanging up on our wall yesterday.

Our calendars, onesies, our umbrellas for our walks, and our "before" pictures, everything is ready and our first day is going pretty good so far.

Day 1 so far

Well we got up at 5:15 this morning because we decided that we need to stay on somewhat of a schedule for the days when he has to work early we have to be on our walks by 6 so even though he didn't work til 10 today, we still did get up early. So we got up, weighed ourselves, tooke morning meds, walked, and relaxed, then ran some errands, then he left for work. We measured out all the cereal we bought into the correct serving sizes into sandwich baggies so we could just grab a bag in the morning instead of measuring every morning. It will be much easier to grab a bag and carry it into the kitchen than having to measure everything in there and that way we won't risk waking anyone else up. No ciagrettes for me since last night. Kelby is gradually weening himself down by smoking less and using dip, but he's not going to fully quit until I do because we don't get along very well when we are both going through nicotine withdrawls ;) I've had some cravings this morning but I've just tried to keep myself distracted. That's why I'm writing now instead of just watching tv or something. I need to keep my hands busy. Our daily water goal is at least 1 gallon for the first 10 days I think it is. I'm about 1/4 of the way there I guess. Woohoo only a little over an hour til lunch. Today is going by pretty fast I guess. I have tons of energy but yet I'm sooo tired. I could just lay in my comfy bed all day and be happy, but I suppose I should get up and do something. Oh I gotta print our "before" pictures out to hang about our motivation wall. Will upload everything tonight, well maybe not the before pictures, but the motivational onesies I talked about.

Last Cigarette

It's currently 10:20 PM (10/20 also happens to be my birthday). I'm finally done messing around on the computer for the night. I'm ready for bed, but I had to have one last final cigarette for the rest of my life. No matter what happens or how stressed out I get I will not give into temptation. If and when I get to that point I will just come write on here, or I will play a game on my phone or on the computer or something. I cannot let myself lose this battle. This may be the biggest hill I ever have to climb but if there's a positive pregnancy test at the top of this hill, I'll climb forever. I already have it planned out how I am going to tell Kelby when I finally do get pregnant, and lately his mom and I have been getting fortune cookies that have been making us think they have been about us getting pregnant, so I am actually getting all the stuff ready for when I do get pregnant I'll have everything ready for my super secret way to tell him. He knows there is a super secret plan, he just doesn't know anything else about it. This cigarette doesn't even taste good, but I know I need to enjoy every last bit of it. Well I guess as of now, at 10:31 PM, yeah I took forever to smoke it haha, I am officially a nonsmoker. Here we go!